Day 6

Just watched the 2D life story of your President. It was called Lincoln. Unfortunately they missed out the entire section where he hunted vampires. Major disappointment.

I give it only two starfish.

The second one is for his beard which stole the show. Can't believe it won so many anal probes though.

Day 5

Why is 'Who' pronounced 'Huu' and not 'Wuh-hoh' which is closer to its spelling? Also, do the words 'Diary' and 'Diarrhea' have anything in common? What about 'Verbal Diarrhea'? Your universal language of American makes no sense to me.

Day 4

Not too sure I see any sign of intelligent life out here...

Day 3

Okay, I know it's a point of much amusement among you Urf-lings at your social gatherings, but I wrote 'Urf Bleurrg' before I knew the correct spelling. Now it's stuck.

Can't seem to change it, so please desist from being amused at my expense.

Day 2.2

Just watched the 2D life story of your female super-hero, The Iron Lady. Worst case of false advertising ever and nothing like Iron Man.

I give it only one Ninja star.

Just one.

I really should get paid for being a movie cricket.

Day 2.1

Just learned about your Toilet Paper thing. Intriguing. Back in my universe, we have a machine that... well... it's too complicated to explain here.

Day 2

'Urf' is spelled 'Earth'. So, this should really be called an Earth Blog. Not Urf Bleurrg... I'm still new to your universal language of American.

Day 1.4

Sorry, that should read: "Woo-hoo!"

Day 1.3

Upon observing my lifting a massive transit module, the Immigration Authorities informed me that I make an "alien of extraordinary ability" and have allowed me to stay.

As they say on your planet "Woof-woof!"

Day 1.2

My returning their hospitality lead them to die of a fast-acting lead poisoning. Not what I meant to happen on my first visit.

Fortunately - through sheer dumb luck - it turns out they were terrorists. General Lassinsky was very impressed by my skills and wishes to recruit me for some reason.

Day 1.1

The locals welcomed me with open arms. Thankfully I'm bulletproof, although I still had to take cover.

Day 1

I have landed on Planet Urf. Why they call it Urf, I do not know. Must scout around and find out.

Day 0

A satellite tracks my arrival...